Over the 4 ^th of July weekend, Mom and I took part in a four day best/worst camping extravaganza in Yellowstone national Park. Here’s my advice for making the trip yourself, so hopefully it’s a bit more painless, and the BEST trip, not the best/worse trip.

I took this. It looks this pretty all the time, even in the rain.

Thursday

Thursday we set out early. We’re a few hours away from Yellowstone, so we wanted to make good time. I also figured that it was going to be really difficult to get a camping site because it was a major holiday and all that good stuff. We rolled up into Gardiner, MT (our chosen entrance) and then into the park. We managed to get a camping spot in Mammoth, which is exactly where I wanted to be. Setting up the tent was really easy. It was a borrowed tent, from an Uncle who has a lot of toys and no time to use them. All Most of the camping equipment was borrowed from him. Camp set up, we hopped back in the truck and went to see Old Faithful.

Tip #1

I feel like a bad American for saying this, but you should skip Old Faithful. It’s crowded, full of annoying tourists, and not very impressive. I found myself saying “that’s it?” as soon as it was over, and that did not make it worth the two hour drive there.

On the way back from Old Faithful, we saw a couple of bears wandering around on a hill. Black bears. There are also grizzly bears, but black bears are less terrifying. Driving back, the sunset was pretty spectacular, and there were some pretty nice sights along the way. Heading back into Mammoth, there’s a herd of elk that like to eat the lawn right by the ranger station. It’s pretty neat, but they are the spawn of satan. They screech like velociraptors at their babies, and stand up on their hind legs and smack each other with their front hooves. It’s terrifying. They look friendly. They aren’t.

Tip #2

The drive to Old Faithful from Mammoth is like 45 miles. What!? That takes TWO hours!? Yes. Yes it does. Wherever you want to go, assume it’s at least an hour, most likely more, never less. Just remember that.

Friday

First thing on Friday, we tried to make breakfast. It didn’t work out. It was raining, so the fire to cook the eggs was failing, and the campstove we brought had a fuel leak, so it wasn’t safe to cook on. Oh well. Breakfast is abandoned.

Tip #3

Check all your gear (especially if it’s borrowed or rented) before you leave.

We had a horseback ride through the mountains planned, so breakfast abandoned, we drove up the steep, frightening hill in a rainstorm to get to the ranch where the horses were. The horse ride went well. It was indeed in the rain. But that was alright. My horse was named Maverick and he was a snacker. I was constantly having to yank him back on task because he’d rather be eating.

Tip #4

The only thing I would have changed about our horseback ride was I would have picked something more suited to our skill level. This guide was obviously leading a beginner ride, and we could have done something a little more intermediate. Don’t be afraid to find activities that fit your set of skills better.

After the horseback trek, we were supposed to go rafting, but the river had risen in the rain, and it wasn’t safe. Rescheduling for the next day, we headed back. We got back to our campsite only to find that what was a rainstorm in the mountains was a hailstorm at Mammoth. Our rain fly was ripped off of the tent and everything was soaked, including both our sleeping bags. At that point, we decided to go for a hike to clear our heads a little bit because we were both tired and irritable.

Tip #5

Make a rain plan, including where you will sleep. It will probably rain.

We went to the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone (don’t miss this, it’s lovely, also the first photo on this post), and on the way back, swung through the Lamar Valley. We also saw our first Grizzly Bear.



Look at this idiot. Yeah, he's on the roof of his car.

Tip #6

Don’t be that guy. It’s okay to stop and look at the animals. We all do it. We all want to stop and see the animals. Just don’t do it in a way that pisses off everyone around you. Pull over to one of the many areas specifically for that purpose, I promise there is one close to you. Stay in your car as much as you can when viewing the wildlife near the road.

There, we saw some elk, as well as some bison. Even some baby bison (adorable). We ended up sleeping in the truck that night.

Saturday

Well rested after being in the truck, I was relieved to find that it wasn’t raining. We got up and took a hike to Wraith Falls, which was nice. The walk wasn’t too strenuous, and the falls themselves are pretty. The paths were also abandoned, which was a definite plus. Sometimes you don’t want to be near other tourists.

Wraith Falls

After that, we drove towards the Hayden Valley to do some wildlife watching. A herd of ~50 bison ran across the road, and frolicked. There’s no other way to describe it. They were jumping around the field. It was precious. They can also jump like five feet straight up in the air. After that, we went to our rafting, after it had been delayed from Friday. I can’t swim, and don’t do boats really at all, but our guide made us feel at ease, and was really great (we went through Flying Pig Outfitters). It was a nine mile trip, which was a little longer than I would have liked, but I have a pretty low attention span.

We then tried fly fishing. Jesus, that was a failure.

Tip #6

If  you want to go fishing, hire a guide. They know how, and you don’t. You can’t bait fish in most of the park, so just get the darn guide.

It started to rain again, but by then the sleeping bags had dried out and we were able to sleep in the tent, rain fly securely fastened.

Sunday

We drove home. Not much else to report. We were both exhausted and needed a shower and had had 

enough. We did see some slaggy goat-things that turned out to be female Bighorn Sheep. They aren’t as pretty as the boy sheep.

~~~

So that was our trip. It sounds rough, and it was, but it was also fun. I got to see wildlife being wild, and take in the natural wonders of my country. But it wasn’t easy. I was tired every single day, and the ground is hard beneath your back at night. Still, I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It’s a unique feeling, to put up with such shit and be happy about it, but that’s what camping is.

Other tips:

Tip #7

Consider backcountry camping, if you're an experienced camper, and have a few friends (group size of at least 4 is recommended). It’s tougher, but it will make for an unforgettable experience.

Tip #8

Bring a good camera, with a high zoom lens. Binoculars are also a good idea.

Tip #9

The best times for viewing wildlife: 6am, and 9pm in the summer. Think early morning and at dusk.  You’ll get the best views if you live by this.

Tip #10

Be safe. The animals seem nice, but they aren’t. Carry bear spray (available at any number of convenience stores in and around the park), and make a lot of noise when on foot. You don’t want to meet an animal when you’re away from people and your car. Stay 100 yards away from bears, and 25 yards from all other animals. Hang your food or store it in a car.

Tip #11

Bring a book. You’ll have some down time in the mornings and evenings.

Tip #12

You won’t get cell service. Just trust me on this. You won’t. Even if they say you will, you still won’t.

Tip #13

Pack a lot of layers. It can snow in July, or be a hundred degrees. That’s not an exaggeration.

Tip #14

Pack in as much of your food as you can, because it’s bloody expensive in and around the park.

Tip #15

Pack it in, pack it out. Leave the park pristine.

Yellowstone is beautiful. It’s rugged. It’s what America should feel like. I highly recommend you go, but be smart about it. Our trip would have gone smoother if we had brought our own gear, and had been more prepared for the rain. I know it sounds kind of slapped together, but we are experienced campers, so nothing bad really happened. If you’re not very experienced, just be smart about it.

Happy travels.