OKStupid: My Online Dating Experience Part I
I've tried to start this post about a million times, so here it is. We're just going to go with it. The plan is for this to be part one of a three part series, so stick around for a while.
I set up an online dating profile. OKCupid seemed by far to be the best choice for what I was looking for (not marriage, match.com, or hookups, plentyoffish). The people I've talked to about this say that they got an account “as a joke”. Let's get real. It's not a joke. You did this on purpose, and here we are.
The city where I live is notoriously difficult for making friends. It's hard to meet new people, whether you're looking for something romantic or not. It seemed like the smartest thing to do. I set up the account and my profile in early March, held on to it for a month or two, then deactivated it. I tried again in October, and stuck with it a little better. The account is now deactivated for reasons I'll touch on at a future date, so don't go looking for it.
Everyone I have talked to agrees that dating sucks, but it sucks even more when you're trying to filter out the weirdos all by yourself. I thought that we could have a little chat about the top five morsels of advice I have learned from my time on OKCupid, illustrated by some of the people who have messaged me. All of these are real, and I apologize in advance for some foul language.
Let me present, some important pieces of information, learned from OKCupid.
Before we begin, I should clarify. My profile stated that I was looking for long-term dating, and that matches needed to be under 30. I also answered a ton of questions, so the match % was fairly accurate, I think.
You should always be polite on the internet. The thing that stood out to me the most was the complete barbarism that you see on the internet. I've seen my share of online bullying and victimization, but I have never been called “bitch”, “cunt”, or one of any other array of foul names more in my entire life than on this particular site.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I was frequently showered with compliments from people who probably wouldn't have spoken to me in person. I try hard not to judge the books by their covers, but the man who sent me the following message wasn't wearing pants in his photo. He was wearing a shirt, just no pants. I think this was the stealth dick pic.
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| I feel like this would have been a better message if Scarlett Johansson wasn't also white and Jewish. |
On the topic of dick pics: don't send me them. Especially not after I haven't replied to you ever and you think that will get my attention.
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| This message was followed by four nude photos |
I also found that many guys took it very personally when you didn't message them back right away.
The major issue is that messages like that last one weren't rare. I tried to be selective about who I replied to for the purpose of avoiding the crazy ones, and it was just not possible to do so without abuse being hurled at you. I try to not get on my feminist soap box too often, but this is unacceptable. No one like being spoken to like this. Is this supposed to make me want to be your friend? Go on a date with you? Hook up with you? No. It doesn't do anything except make me want you to stay away from me.
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| I had never spoken to this man before. |
People don't talk to me like this on the street. What is it about the internet that makes it okay to do this?
I'm also confused because OKCupid isn't precisely anonymous. One guy who called me a cunt (I hate that word) had his employer listed in his profile. I do live in a city, but it's not that big. There are only so many car dealerships or law offices or accounting firms.
So what is there to take away from this experience?
Men: Think before you send women shit like this. We're real people, and you're not impressing us one bit.
Women: Don't let men talk to you like you're worthless. Don't be afraid to use that block button. I know I gave it quite the workout.
Have you had a negative experience online? Please share in the comments. I'll talk about my more positive experiences in the next post in this series.