I got married with a very laissez-faire attitude. We had been together for a few years, lived together, moved together. Gone places that are hard to get to and hard to get out of. I was ready to get married and was sure that we had covered all of our bases. I read all of those “8 billion things to ask your partner before you get married” articles. None of them covered these topics, and we never talked about them. Don’t you worry, dear reader, we’re doing great and we have all of these things covered, but I wish someone had told me to talk about these before, and maybe avoid a conversation down the line.

When are we having kids, and is that never?

You know, when we first had the “kids?” conversation, it was very nebulous. Are we having kids? Someday! But when exactly is someday when I feel like I’m staring down 30, but also am not interested in having kids anytime soon. When we talk about the kinds of things we want to do…where do those fit into the bigger picture? I’m not saying that we should have hammered down a date to crank out a couple of kids, but ‘someday” doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.

Speaking of kids, Santa?

Okay, so we get through the kids conversation. How are we handling things like Santa? Let me clarify…I’m Jewish and want that to be part of our (seriously hypothetical) kiddo’s life. Charles grew up in a home with a strong Eastern European Christmas tradition. What? Can they have both? I don’t know. Probably should have covered that.

How are we going to handle emergency money?

We are super pros at handling the bills. We have a splitting system and it’s paying everything on time and in a good way. But what about when the shit hits the fan? Nope. No clue. If one of us has to be out of work for a while? Serious accidents? Noooo idea what to do there.

Where is our forever home, and is that here?

When we moved to Duluth, starry-eyed and ready to start our life together, this really felt like home. But is it home forever? Is there a grander plan to move somewhere else? I can’t imagine never living in Montana again, but what about when that also doesn’t fit in the together plan anymore? Right now I can only imagine living here, but maybe my feelings will change after a few more winters!

What is the plan for life’s downs?

Although I am hopefully optimistic, I feel like before we got married, we should have had a plan for when things weren’t rosy anymore. What is the plan for when I (or he) have a bad month, or year? More than just a little blip on the radar of life, but more of a crater. We (thankfully?) had some pretty serious downs before we got married, so we definitely passed that test, but it doesn’t hurt to be ready for a rainy day!

I love being married, and it’s awesome. Ten million times better than I had ever guessed it would be! I also think that there are a lot of things that are easier to hammer out before the papers are signed!