I Lost 50 Pounds
I'm calling it what it is. I lost some weight. As a content warning, I will talk about food, eating disorders, weight, and weight loss and use specific numbers. If that's not your jam, skipping this one is fine.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional giving medical or weight loss advice. This is my story, and only mine. I do not know what works (or doesn't) for anyone else.
It's become noticeable that I've lost some weight. People I don't know in the real flesh-person world are sending me DMs on Instagram commenting on it, and I've been chiefly shrugging it off, but it's getting harder to pretend it's nothing and make up a semi-aloof response. It's time to talk about it.
Over the past eight months, I've lost 50 pounds and counting, calculating to 21% of my body weight (as of June 1, 2023). Here's the story of how that happened.
June 2021
I married my delightful and supportive husband on August 9, 2019. The day I got married, I weighed 196 pounds and was a size 12. 196 was a weight that - for the most part - I had been stagnant at for several years. I would try to lose weight using extremely restrictive dieting practices, lose ten pounds, couldn't keep up the restriction, and regain it. Lather, rinse, repeat.
The two years after I got married were rough. There was a pandemic. I started an excellent new job that took a lot out of me. We suffered grief and loss those first two years. I was also settling into married life. It's not uncommon to put on some weight in that newlywed year. We weren't exercising. My husband and I both spent a lot of time being sedentary. The difference is that he has always been naturally slim, whereas I have not been. I told myself I had an active job (inaccurate), and it would be fine. Two weeks before our second anniversary, I gathered the courage to weigh myself for the first time in over a year. My clothes weren't fitting. People were returning to the office, and none of my "Work Clothes" fit that didn't have an elastic waist. Most people embraced the elastic waist during the work-from-home lockdown time, but I couldn't wear anything else. I couldn't wear any of my "hard pants" if I tried. My wedding ring was snug, and I had trouble sliding it on and off. The scale said 238 pounds. The highest weight I had ever personally seen.
March 2022
Like many people, I've had a problematic relationship with food, mental health, eating disorders, hating my body, the whole nine yards. In high school, I spent a summer with an intensely physical job that caused me to drop down to 110 pounds - the first and only time I think I will be a size 2. I couldn't maintain it, but boy, did I try. A combination of anorexia and binge eating disorder started to plague me and would for several years, messing up my blood sugar and causing fainting spells. Over the next few years, I shook it as best as I thought you could. I don't think you ever really shake off disordered eating. It stayed with me, but I know it's there now, and I have a better handle on addressing it.
Since 2017, right below 200 pounds has been my stagnant spot, and it (kind of) still is. So what changed that day in 2021? What made things different?
I hated my body. I had purple stretchmarks on my stomach from rapid pandemic weight gain. I didn't recognize myself in pictures and was just full of self-loathing. But I wanted things to be different. Really different. I didn't want to yoyo on the same ten pounds. I wanted to lose the weight and keep it off. I set my first goal as just getting rid of the pandemic weight. I didn't have a timeline. It was going to take as long as it took.
And I did it with three main tools.
In the United States, weight loss is an industry. These things cost money. I've included how much I have paid for these tools for full transparency.
Found
The first thing I did was consult medical professionals. After my local weight loss clinic couldn't get me in for eight months, and I just wanted to discuss surgery as my primary option, I turned to the internet. No shade on those who choose weight loss surgery, but I didn't think that was the right path for me. I enrolled in a program with FoundRx.
This is 100% not an ad for Found; it's just what I used. Other services do the same thing. I don't have a significant preference. Found uses a combination of text message-based accountability coaching and prescription weight loss medications. There are many medication options, but the one I am taking helps me control my binge-eating behaviors. It just makes it so I don't have that drive. It was nice to have this extra little tool to help cause change immediately while working through the actual mental health side of it with a therapist. I had no intention of staying on the drugs forever so that second part - the mental health part - was also essential. Through the therapy, I'm seeing successes on the mental health side and feel less loathing towards myself.
I'll be the first to say that this isn't a magic pill. Nothing can automatically make you lose weight, but it helped me do the needed work a little easier. I also feel so much more comfortable being supervised by a medical professional.
Cost - $99 monthly for the coaching, medication, and monthly provider telehealth visits. You can try them here. It's not an affiliate link.
Apple Watch
The following tool I got and used was an Apple Watch. I have never been one to love exercise. I've tried to love it, but it was never my thing. Then I got my Apple Watch, and I wish it were just a gimmick, but I've stuck with it for over six months now and closed my exercise rings daily. I started with small goals, but they've built over time to where I have to try to close those rings, but it's still doable. I mostly do walking. Just walking. Nothing too fancy. Walking. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with the dog. But the rings get closed.
Cost- starting at $199 (one-time cost). Shop at this link.
Conqueror
I could talk about the Conqueror virtual app all day. It might be worth a separate blog post. It's virtual walking, running, cycling, or any exercise challenges that reward you with a medal. There is an app to keep track of your progress and a great community of people working through the challenges that are so supportive.
This tapped into the competitive side of my brain. This year I have walked the entire distance of Hadrian's Wall, the whole length of the Grand Canyon, and the entirety of the Cabot Trail, all from my home. It taps into the Apple Watch fitness app and automatically logs it. This helped me take my exercise from "just get the ring closed" to a fun activity that I like doing. Suddenly, the thought of exercising every day has become something that I can look forward to doing. This is sustainable for me. It's a real lifestyle change that I like.
The medals are also fun and gorgeous. They're hefty, enameled metal and make earning one feels like a real accomplishment. I'm working through my 4th challenge and will be in for more.
Cost - $29 a "challenge," which includes the app, Facebook group, and medal shipped to your home. One challenge takes me two months on average, ranging from 20 miles to 2,500 miles. Get 10% off your first challenge through this link.
What About Diet?
Most things stayed the same for me! This was so important to me. I have failed in the past because intense restriction - no carbs, low calories, etc. - isn't sustainable, and I could only keep it up for a short time. I had a few rules for myself - I wouldn't restrict any food groups. I wasn't going to count calories.
And you know what? It worked. I generally eat fewer calories than I did in the past, but at no point do I feel deprived or like I couldn't have what I wanted. I make calculated choices but don't say no to things I want. Something that helped me was using the "yes, and" method. It's OK to eat pizza for dinner (previously a no-no food on my extreme diet), but I also add vegetables to my plate. I still drink socially, with my "and" equal amounts of water. It makes me balance my choices better, but I still get everything I want. I do not deprive or restrict in any way. It shakes out to fewer calories because I just physically can't eat as many calorie-dense foods if I have to balance them out with something else, but I still get everything I want.
May 2022 - my most recent full body photo. A dress I hadn’t been able to zip in 5 years.
It Isn’t Fast
It's taken nine months to make this kind of progress. I'm not done losing, mainly because it's still just coming off slowly but steadily. Because of the exercise - more exercise than I've done at nearly any point in my life, and indeed the most extended, most consistent exercise habit - my body composition is also different. I weigh ten pounds less today than I did that day almost three years ago when I married. I'm two sizes smaller. It makes a difference.
When people talk about lifestyle change, this is what they're talking about. It was challenging. It is challenging every day, but I can manage it without much difficulty now. Only some days are perfect, but I am making consistent changes to my body and worrying less about the scale and more about how I feel.
I don't think this is the last time I'll update you on my journey, but I also am not here to be a weight loss blogger or fitness guru. The fact that I managed to lose some weight and keep it off for several months does not make me an expert. I have no credentials. I have no desire to get any. People who lose weight don't have a secret you don't know. There isn't a secret. I've heard all the advice. I mean all of it. I knew what I needed to do. It's the doing that's the hard part. No one can find the thing that clicks for you except for you. This is what clicked for me.