When You Don't Feel Christmassy | Blogmas #24

When I think about the holiday season, I try really hard to be optimistic and to feel the “spirit” of the season. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m wired that way a lot of the time. When I think about December, the primary feeling I feel is obligation.

I feel an obligation to smile and be nice, even when it’s incredibly difficult to do so.

I feel an obligation to spend money on people to make them feel special, even when I don’t really like them.

I feel the obligation to spend time with people I don’t really like.

I feel an obligation to eat too much, and to pretend that eggnog doesn’t make me want to vomit.

I feel obligated to pretend that Christmas is magical, when it really just feels like a hassle.

So what do you do to get over this? What do I do to get over this? I pretend mostly. I try to focus on what I think are the positives about this holiday. I think about how I am an incredibly priviledged person. I know we throw that phrase around a lot, but it’s true especially at the holidays. When my sister asks if I can chip in $50 on my mom’s present, I can just say yes and not have to think about it. I have a wonderful job with people I like being near. I have the world’s best partner, who has supported me through job loss, two moves, illness, and a career transition. It’s been a wonderful year for me. I think about all of the wonderfully giving people who come out of the woodwork at this time of the year.

It still makes it hard to feel Christmassy with the overwhelming pain of obligations. But it’s a work in progress. I’ll try to do better next year.